how to procrastinate

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How to Procrastinate
Do you often find yourself getting things done in a reasonable amount of time? Do you ever find yourself bragging about how productive you were that day, week, or month? (If so, you really bother me). Do you ever want to stop being so productive and just let the burdens of life come flowing in and crush you? If so, look no further! I pride myself in being a grade “A” procrastinator. With the help of my 5-step plan on how to procrastinate, you will be well on your way to being a professional in the art of wasting time. Then you can brag about how extremely unproductive you were today, tomorrow, and every day!
Step One:
Become a messy person. Ditch all your cleanly habits, but still keep your personal hygiene. Please. If your room is always spotless, start throwing your clean laundry on the floor. Maybe even go as far as to mix it in with your dirt laundry so you have to sort it out. The reason you need to ditch all of your cleanliness is simple. When you have something you should be doing, you can ignore it for a little longer by saying to yourself, “but I should really clean my room/do laundry/any other chore I haven’t done in the past week.”
Step Two:
Evaluate the worth of deadlines. If you’re the type of person who finishes a project that’s due in three weeks, two weeks before it’s due, just stop. Self-satisfaction is not the goal of procrastinators. Procrastinators thrive on the idea that they may or may not reach their deadline. We are risk-takers who like to sit back and watch our lives crumble before our eyes, but at the last second, before it’s all gone to… we throw something together that saves us. There is nothing more exhilarating than waiting until the very last moment to do an important homework assignment. Pulse racing, slippery fingers on pencils, eyes skirting through information, hoping to quickly find the correct answers. Wondering, “Will I get it done in time, “or, “maybe, just maybe this time I won’t make it…”…

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